My school is overfeeding me

So in Japan school lunch tends to be a pretty big deal. It’s called kyuushoku and I think it means lunch but who really knows. School is where kids are taught parts of how to be a correct Japanese portion and due to the Japanese perspective on the value of food, there’s a lot of culture instilled in kyuushoku that I don’t recall being exposed to in American school lunches.

Some of the rules are like, eat everything on your plate. Don’t point with your chopsticks. No throwing food. Don’t pick up that apple with your chopsticks Will. Don’t stab through stuff (I see kids doing this one all the time.) Don’t eat your apple before you eat your rice. Finish before this designated time or you’ll cut into your recess. Bring your own chopsticks. Bring a placemat to eat at your desk. Bring a spoon. Where’s your toothbrush? Where’s your facemask Will? Well sorry I don’t want to talk like Darth Vader right before I eat.

Once you get used to the rhythm it ain’t too bad. The schools are pretty serious overall about kyuushoku and everything is prepared on site in the school kitchens fresh everyday. It’s generally portioned so that you get all the correct amount of nutrients on the food pyramid, as long as that food pyramid is extra fat on the bottom to account for all the carbs you’ve consumed at any point. Word on the internet is that someone even taste tests the kyuushoku 30min to lunchtime so that the entire school doesn’t die from food poisoning. One kyuushoku is about 1000-1200 calories so it’s definitely a decent amount.

So for the most part, all the teachers get apportioned the same quantity as the students, as it is quite a bit of calories for one meal and even for me it’s hard to eat it all in the allotted time. Which brings me to this Tuesday. I get served food in the teachers room and have to bring it up to the kids room since each class is allotted a certain amount that they need to divide among the students. The first thing I heard was “Dekkai” which roughly translates into “Wow that’s a lot you monster.” All this time I had thought I was eating the same amount as the students, but it turns out my portions were like double. I had a huge amount compared to everybody else there.

Which brings me to my next point, you have to eat EVERYTHING on your plate.   Generally speaking the food is pretty tasty, especially after four hours of having to teach little monsters, I’m pretty excited to eat. There’s been a lot of talk on the internet recently about American lunches being not great, but I remember I had a pretty good time eating those mystery meat pizza pockets and chili cheese corn dogs. Maybe the nutrition level is misaligned but how can you say no to mystery meat pizza pockets?! Having experienced Japanese school lunch I must say that it’s edible but they’re not going for a Michelin star here. You get some days where the food is good and some where you’re like, what did I just put in my mouth. And then we get to natto. Basically Natto happened when someone took perfectly good soybeans and instead of making soymilk, accidentally forgot them in the hot sun for like a month. And then they were like well my options are to either throw this away like a normal human being, OR, I could mix in this slime from science class and try to eat it. And back to the first point, you have to eat EVERYTHING. And the proper way to eat it is to mix it in with rice. So all the kids were like oh natto, put it on your rice Will-sensei and I’m like OH YES GREAT IDEA. So not only did I have to eat natto, I also ruined all my rice by making the entire bowl nattoy. For those of you who haven’t’ had it before, the taste isn’t too bad, maybe like a slightly weird kidney bean but the slime oh my goodness. It’s a special type of slime I don’t even know what would be the equivalent mixed with the stickiness of a hot glue gun. You know when you use a hot glue gun and there’s a little strand of plastic that trails the end that gets everything, just think that but everywhere and to everything. 

Surprisingly however recently it seems like I’ve lost some weight. I don’t feel like I eat any healthier but I have to guess it’s due to now I’m standing up for most of work as opposed to sitting down. The downside as I have experienced is that I can’t go belt free anymore. Which doesn’t affect most people but I am a certain type of forgetful. And it was pretty awkward last week trying to not have my pants fall down in class.